'I battle depression'
The hardest thing to do, is to explain to someone, who has never had to 'battle' despairing emotions, what it is to feel depressed.
'You have it so good Rachel - you are blessed with love and family, a roof over your head.... what on earth would make you depressed???'
WOW - Its like I do not know how good I have it... Like I am an idiot or something.
Depression does not just plague stupid people you know!
And this is why it is called a BATTLE.
I know what I have! Oh I know, I know, I know!!! And I fight so hard for all these things.
I wage war against my self to some how stave off the internal vacuum threatening to pull me down into despair.
I hold onto my faith and I fight! oh how I fight!
But like any battle, it plays havoc on my strength,
for blood and sweat there is tears and rage, frustration and anger.
At times I get so tired and mad that I have to wage this war.
My energy is spent - my sword is to heavy and my shield so cracked.
I just want to lay down and let go.
Then I get mad that I can't give up!
I have no strength and yet I am strong because I do not quit.
I am so weak and yet not weak enough to let go.
How can I give up?
I fight for me, and thus I fight for my family.
But they do not truly see how I battle - no body does.
People need to think more on the word 'battle' when considering depression.
- a hostile encounter or engagement between opposing military forces
- a fight between two ...
- any conflict or struggle
- to work very hard or struggle